September 2006 Newsletter

SAFETY THOUGHTS TO PONDER

Most parents have probably had the thought that their own childhood was a lot simpler and a lot safer than their children’s. The fact is that it actually was simpler and safer in many ways. The 'Information Superhighway' was still under construction, and as a result, information flowed into our lives much more slowly --- and there was less of it. I grew up in the TV generation, and my sons, now both in their 20’s are a product of the video game generation. During the last couple of decades, we experienced the introduction and explosion of cell phone and internet use. Little did we know the impact this information age would have on us all, in terms of personal safety. Children are vastly different from us in the ways they negotiate daily life, in their use of everything electronic and in the way in which they process information. Another major effect of the electronic invasion is how easily accessible each one of us is via the internet and cell phones (forget about pagers… but there is text messaging).

VIGILANCE IS KEY

As a result, we all need to be more vigilant about our own as well as our family’s personal safety. All parents without fail, even in the animal kingdom, must teach their offspring about predators and how to protect themselves in their environment. Internet predators now can reach our children in the sanctity of our own homes! Although my parents talked to me about being safe, it just didn’t seem as big an issue or as important when we were kids. Maybe there weren’t as many 'Bad Guys' out there, maybe they weren’t that visible or maybe we just didn’t know about them. Life seemed a lot safer when I was a kid growing up in the 50’s and 60’s. Today we all live very hectic and fast-paced lives and our exposure to potential crime situations is much greater. What remains constant, though, is basic human behavior and the fact that a percentage of the population is and always will be deviant and dangerous. In the U.S., our crime statistics are reflective of this problem with crime on the increase in all forms.

PREDATORY BEHAVIOR

When you study predatory behavior in the animal kingdom, you can clearly see how they choose their victims. It is no different for humans. A lion or wolf, for example, studies its potential prey, observes its behavior and then chooses its victim. If its prey is part of a pack, the lead of the pack is never chosen. The predator looks for a slower moving, physically weaker animal, one that looks and acts more defenseless, exhibits fear, etc. In humans we refer to the manner in which one carries themselves as their ‘demeanor’. A shark is considered to be the master of all predators. It has earned its reputation because it seems to always be successful in getting its prey. A shark will test its prey before an attack, circling its prey, observing and then physically bump it, sizing up the situation. Once the shark has accumulated its 'data', it decides whether to attack or not. Human predators have similar ritualistic 'bumping' behavior. Usually it is a verbal bump with test questioning as common and simple as talking about the weather, asking the time of day, offering an unsolicited comment or compliment, etc. With Children, there are eight common lures, like asking a child for help in finding a lost puppy, or giving them unsolicited compliments. What a predator looks for in a potential victim, is someone who is putting off a 'vibe' of fear, is unaware of their surroundings, presenting a demeanor and behaviors that say, “I am an easy target”.

PROJECTING A 'TOUGH' DEMEANOR

In crowded situations like buses, subways, bars, etc. where someone is looking for their next victim, why is one person chosen over another? The selection process is far from random. If we are fearful, those are the 'vibes' we will project. If we are sending out confident 'tough' demeanor vibes, we are less likely to be chosen. So, is it that simple to just project a tough demeanor to keep the Bad Guys at bay? Well, there are NO absolutes in the world, but we can stack the safety deck in our favor. A friend of mine who is an ex-prison guard with over 8 years experience shared some valuable and interesting insights he learned from prisoners he encountered over the years. One felon said he would wait in an alley and choose his next victim as randomly as selecting every 9th person who walked by. If number 9' s demeanor demonstrated a confidence or 'don’t mess with me' kind of attitude then he would simply pass and pick number 10. This same friend, who had no martial arts experience, gave off a 'vibe' he did, a confidence and an impression that he could handle himself if physically attacked. The collective perception by the prisoners was a 'Don’t mess with me' demeanor. Now, the most surprising thing about this friend, is that his inherent nature is very peaceful and mild mannered. His demeanor however clearly projected a 'vibe' of "you probably don’t want to risk messing with me".

IMPRESSIONS

Years ago, working as a recruiter I routinely coached applicants on how to interview and taught them what to do to make a good initial impression. One of my favorite quotes is: "You never get a second chance to make a second impression." Human behavior dictates that we typically take someone at face value initially while we gather more information either reinforcing that initial impression or changing it. Now, when first encountering someone, if there is any incongruence between a their words, their actions, their body language, etc., your intuition or 'gut feeling' will alert you that something is wrong. (NOTE: Always listen to and follow your intuition, ALWAYS!) A key segment we teach in our Children’s Safety Program, is to always honor and trust your 'UH-OH' feeling because it's always Right. Without fail, children immediately know and understand when we talk about their 'UH-OH' feeling. The 'vibes' you project work either for you or against you. The 'vibes' you get from others are equally as important and could alert you to a potential threat against your safety.

PROVIDING SAFETY INFORMATION

Now what does all this have to do with this month’s KidzClub newsletter? Well, lots actually. First of all, children are constantly being feed data from their invironment. Secondly, children are very intuitive, but our society does not encourage them to either follow or develop their intuition. This is unfortunate as intuition is an innate survival tool that we are all born with and I believe is our most important safety gift too! Since children are basically blank slates, if we do not proactively fill their brains with good information, especially about how to be safe, they will fill it up with information that is ineffective and/or wrong. Nature abhors a vacuum --- garbage in/ garbage out --- it's important to remember that if you don’t put good information in there, as quickly as information flows today, then someone else will. For something as important as safety training, don’t let them be victim to 'junk' information from TV, movies, video games, etc. More than ever with the influence of the electronic age and all it has to offer we must be extra vigilant and make sure we teach our children the very best safety strategies making them as safe as possible.

A DAUNTING TASK

As a parent, do you feel overwhelmed and simply unsure of exactly what you need to teach your children? Do you even feel uncomfortable with what your parents taught you knowing that it may or may not be applicable today? Well, don’t feel alone, because many parents feel that way. Many parents can't even operate a computer as well as their 5 year old! But don’t let intimidation be a factor that scares you and imobilizes you. Remember that until you have some experience doing something, everything is hard to do. It is no different teaching your children about safety. You can rest easy now, because as previously stated in past newsletters, we have created an incredible SAFE KIDZ KIT that has everything you need, including internet software, CD/ID’s, etc. to make your job a whole lot easier and actually even fun. Give your child the gift of safety and help us help you make the world a whole lot safer, starting with your children. To read more about the SAFE KIDZ KIT and to purchase one for each of your children, visit our product page at www.KSEG.org/product.htm.

Mark Spencer, M.A., S.A.F.E.

© Copyright 2006 S.A.F.E. All rights reserved.